i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
