Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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