this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
