The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Send help, water and tortillas.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
