I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
My ATM looks so different sober.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I would ride that face into the sunset
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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