You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
