I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
