Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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