How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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