A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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