OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
