the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
