I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
