if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Randomize
