we have officially lost it.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
