Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
