Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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