my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
