Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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