Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
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