Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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