Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
