I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
