I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
