he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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