Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
