if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
