i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
