I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
