Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
