never play flip cup with pint glasses
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
