There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Randomize
