the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
