he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
