I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
