I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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