No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
