guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
