Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
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