You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
