Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
