I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
