hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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