Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I need a beard to bite.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
