just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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