I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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