So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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