The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
