the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm having to shit out rocks
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
