I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
