dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
