Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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