i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
