I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
