I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
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