I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
